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imac, laptop, iphone set up needing help...

i have the imac as main database.
Connected with iphone thru email.
All is good!

Now i want to sync my laptop, but when i go to:
i have the choice to keep the sync database on this mac (no)
or connect to an existing sync database.
when i choose connect to an existing sync database: Select a Mac..
there is no mac to choose!
everything else is greyed.

both firewalls are open
both file sharing and bluetooth sharing is chosen.

can someone help me get my laptop synced?