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(Not really related to the topic -- Before buying a gun, you might want to just disable the dock bounce the icons, and have an app just say, "excuse me, AppName needs your attention." iCal doesn't notify you by that method only though.)

It's pretty unlikely you want to do items notifying you. There's a program called iCalFix that makes it so iCal popup notifications for calendar events are totally automatic (and you can specify time to notify), I recommend it.